Authentically You?

Have you ever had a moment that stops you in your tracks? You know the kind. You’re moving and shaking, doing your thing, and for the most part secure in who you are and what you know and then, whammo, something happens that causes you to question who you are at your core. And the weird thing is, sometimes it’s the tiniest of moments and not the biggie-diggies that give you pause for introspection.  Here’s mine.

     Last year, when my son Luke was 17-years-old, he came to me and asked if he could get his ears pierced. I’m a pretty open minded person, a champion of authenticity and a staunch supporter of people being themselves and doing what makes them feel good in their own bodies.

     So you can imagine my surprise when I balked. “What? You want to get both ears pierced?”

    “Yes, mom. And I want diamond studs. Fake diamonds, of course.”

    And there I stood, completely stumped. He knows me as the person who has no problem running through the neighborhood in her Wonder Woman skirt, not caring a lick about what other people might think of a 50-year-old woman letting her freak flag fly, so why would I oppose pierced ears, something that is pretty mainstream for guys today.

     And then because my refusal to let my son be his authentic self bothered me so much, I sat and thought long and hard about why I would not allow him to be himself. I mean, I pierced Karlie’s ears when she was 8 months old, why not him? Heck, I didn’t even have her permission! (Trust me, he used this argument too.)     

     That my friends, is when I realized that sometimes, the status quo, the conditioned gendered norms of society and what is deemed socially acceptable, seeps a lot deeper into our psyches than we realize. Those typical norms I thought I no longer subscribed to were far more embedded than I imagined. 

     I am by nature, a questioner. I question everything, much to the chagrin of those around me. I fully realize that a person choosing to do something different from societal expectations is not only okay, it is wonderful. It’s how we grow, expand and not only open our own minds, but the minds of those around us. It’s how innovations and creations are born.

    In questioning myself now, I was disappointed in myself for letting outdated gender norms decided long ago by people who had power and control, dictate my choices. I mean, who was it who actually decided girls piercing their ears is normal and boys doing so is not, and why would I let their preferences influence my own?

     As human beings we are genetically wired for the desirability to be part of a group, as it was at one time necessary for our survival. I still think it is but of course, in different ways. Our primitive brain still desires us to fit in, so we basically comply with what has been acceptable for decades, never questioning if there is currently any validity to what is expected of us. 

     Is that really what we have come here to do? To fit in to the boxes and expectations other people and society have created for us? To abide by the rules that random people at the top had the privilege of making and passing down? Are we to unconsciously subscribe to some arbitrary rule someone else made up?

     Or, are we here to authentically explore who we are and how we can best show up in our lives for ourselves and for others? How can we be the best “me” we can be, and embrace whatever that looks or sounds like?

    After much time time hitting the journal, I see it’s not about ear piercing. It’s about the audacity to be yourself in a world that wants to put you in the box of who and what it expects you to be.

     And to that I say, be you! Put on your wonder woman skirt or get yourself to Claire’s and get those damn ears pierced!

     Here is Luke at 18 years old with his ears pierced. It took a minute for me to come around but my boy taught me a precious lesson in the simplest of requests, and I want to pass this along to you. 

     So I ask first, what has yet to pierce through your unconscious acceptance of societal norms, and second, who have you come here to be? I hope you always choose to be the diamond who shines their own individual light, blessing the world as you do so.