I guess I have a bit of Sheldon Cooper in me. He has a favorite spot on the couch and similarly, I was sitting in “my spot” the other morning having my quiet time and coffee, getting ready to start my routine. And I was stewing. I’m not so sure if Sheldon stews, but I certainly was. Boy I was really going at it! My jaw was tight, my brows were furrowed and I ruminating, or rather, worrying and resenting my children while berating myself over my parenting skills. It was not pretty.
And there I was, lost in my apparent failure and anxiety until I realized I was missing it. Missing what, you ask? What needed my attention more than my worries? A gorgeous sunrise was illuminating the trees in my yard. It was a vision grander than any postcard. The wonderful morning was unfolding before me, but I couldn’t see it because I was absorbed in my own little pity party.
I immediately stopped my foolishness, took a deep breath, and immersed myself in the beautiful winter morning. And you know what? Not only did I stop worrying, but my entire perspective shifted. How shitty could things actually be when there was this much beauty in the world? My answer was, not that shitty.
I basically got smacked in the face with a giant mindfulness lesson. This was a perfect example of that delightful buzz word we are all working so hard to attain and embody in our lives.
Fretting about the past is a form of anger. I was doing that. Fear of the future and what might happen is worry. I was doing that too. And even though I might have thought I was in the present moment, because in that moment I was sitting and thinking, I actually wasn’t. My mind was in the past and the future, and it certainly wasn’t in the present, where beauty was unfolding and where a reassuring little message from the universe/God was saying, look at how amazing this is! I’ve made this beautiful color in the sky for you to enjoy so please just sit here in this moment, breathe deep, and be grateful you get to be a part of this amazing world.
So I sat there, in my spot, with no expectations other than to enjoy the moment, and be part of the world around me. What had me worried and upset was overwith and after contemplation, the only thing left to do was to start over, to make the next right choice and take the next right action.
Shortly thereafter, when my kids got up, I wasn’t a cranky mom, but a loving one. I know for sure, I am better able to parent them when I come from a place of love, rather than anger, even when they are colossal pains in the neck. And if Sheldon were to actually come knocking on my door –
“Jenny,” knock, knock.
“Jenny,” knock, knock.
“Jenny,” knock, knock.
I’m sure even he would agree.
Chaos to Calm 