Not Okay?

It’s okay not to be okay. Last week my sticker urging me to “Go outside” was spot on, and this week’s sticker is obviously a little bit different. I got this one for my son, as some days he struggles with the isolation of remote learning, and though I’m sure he will never display it or use it, I wanted him to see this message and truly know that it is okay to not be okay. However, today I am the one who is relying on that sticker to validate my feelings. 

Who knew at 47 years old, I would love stickers this much?

     It’s another funky day for me and I can’t really go outside. I mean, I can if I want to get soaked. That’s always an option. But getting drenched will do nothing to lift my mood that seems to be mirroring the weather right now. I guess mother nature is telling me to be still.

     My beautiful friend Tina sent the adage below to my Covid Crew. (Yes, that is the name I have given to my group chat consisting of the wonderful ladies who are helping to keep me sane during this time.) 

     It just so happens that I don’t have to be in work until later, and so I am lucky enough to take that time to just not be okay. So what have I done? I snuggled up with the dog for a bit and then meandered over to the kitchen. There was a stack of mail I had gone through, and sitting on top was a booklet I had received from Unity World Press. On a day that I wasn’t taking time to just be with my feelings, I would have put the mail in the office and the booklet on my stack of reading material, and headed down the basement to do laundry. But today I sat down, picked up the book and read. 

     Call it perfect timing, kismet, divine intervention or whatever you will, but what I read was exactly what my heart, mind and soul needed. The phrase that stands out significantly referenced a line in a song, “truth, and love, and hope abide.”

     My spirit picked up. I continued reading and another story brought back a memory from 21 years ago when my husband and I were dating, and had spent a gorgeous winter evening skating under the tree at Rockefeller Center. The glorious feeling of that night came back to me. Another song from the backdrop of that evening came to mind and from it, one of my favorite lyrics. “…hope is the greatest of the gifts we’ll receive.”

     Needless to say, now my heart is swelling and I have peace. I may even go out and walk in the rain because getting drenched at this point may invigorate me and soak me with energy, as opposed to drench me with sadness, because no matter what is going on in my head, or what I’m going through, truth and love and hope abide. And I can be a source of truth and love and hope. It will be okay. I will be okay.

      Last week I wrote, “We do have to acknowledge when we are not in a happy place, as it’s important to not bury what we are feeling. But, we don’t have to stay stuck there.” This week I needed to spend time with the acknowledge portion. I wouldn’t have gotten to a place of okay if I didn’t give myself permission to not be okay. Some days it may take longer than others to get there, but I know I eventually will.

     Thank you Tina, thank you Unity, and thank you Big Moods sticker company. I will head downstairs to grab that laundry now with a lightness of heart and step. I am okay 🙂

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